I am Firmly Opposed to Face-Punching

“In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery?” – St. Augustine

Consider the following scenario.

One fine Saturday afternoon, I find myself walking down the street, enjoying the crisp fall air. As I stroll along, I come across another pedestrian – you. As we are just about to pass one another, you haul off and punch me square in the face. Ouch!

I now attempt to pull myself together quickly, unaware of what is to follow. Is another punch coming? Perhaps something even worse? If I were alone I could run, or chalk it up to personal offense and “turn the other cheek.” It turns out though, that today I have my kids with me. Not knowing your intentions, I’m getting ready for a fight.

The conflict then takes an interesting turn. Instead of continuing the fight, you produce an ice pack that you have tucked into a small cooler you’re carrying. “Here,” you say, “this will make that feel better.” I must admit, I’m a bit taken aback. As I’m backing away slowly with the ice pack, sweeping my kids behind me still unsure of what your next move will be, you say something most peculiar: “You’re welcome.”

Now I’m really confused. The illogic of the whole thing is just too much, I can no longer back away in silence. (Besides, I’ve recovered now, and am standing on square footing.) “What do you mean ‘you’re welcome’?”

“Well,” you say, “you had a facial injury with some swelling – so I gave you an ice pack to help take the pain away … you’re welcome.”

My blood nearly boiling at the foolishness of your comment, I now lash out. “YOU PUNCHED ME YOU $*#&*$*&!!! The only reason my face was swelling was because you punched me! I don’t owe you any thanks at all for giving me an ice pack! It’s the absolute least you could possibly do after punching me in the face!”

For decades, progressives have claimed the mantle of “helping those most in need” – while I submit that it is their tax and over-spend policies that have hampered the economy and created such a need for aid. They have punched us all in the face, and then lauded their own benevolence as they offer us ice packs.

Why don’t you guys just quit punching us? I can’t run for it – I have my kids here with me. They’re counting on Daddy to protect them. Don’t think for a moment that I count any of your actions as benevolent though. You are violent thieves. Do not think to claim the mantle of morality for your actions. You are violent thieves. Do not believe yourself superior and caring. You are violent thieves. It is you who have oppressed, laid bare, brought to ruin. You are violent thieves.

During the stimulus days, the situation presented an interesting conundrum for conservative governors. Wanting to burnish their conservative bona fides, they often threatened to reject stimulus funds. It was quickly apparent that this was madness. The government has already pillaged your citizenry (and the next generation), to then reject what little they offer in return only hurts your people (and their children) more.

Note to conservative leaders: accepting an ice pack is in no way condoning of a face-punching policy. You still get to rail against face-punching, and you should.

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2 Responses to I am Firmly Opposed to Face-Punching

  1. Pingback: Warren Buffett Should Make a Better Argument | Freedom at Bethsaida

  2. Pingback: I Think We Need a Bigger Truck (and Other Market Inefficiencies) | Freedom at Bethsaida

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